This week members of my site get to see me have my hands and feet punished. I am primarily a spanko myself but I also have a punishment fetish. Historically both hands and feet have been the target of punishment for school girls and criminals. So when it was suggested to me at a shoot that I do a hand and foot punishment, I was open to the possibility. I had already experienced having my hands tawsed. I had never had my feet touched.

This scene taught me that foot caning is not my thing. I didn’t safeword, but I probably wouldn’t do it again, either. If the right scenario presented itself I would consider it, but this is definitely not my idea of fun by any stretch of the imagination. I find hand tawsing to be incredibly painful as well, but it is so authentic that I can’t help but find it appealing in certain situations. As with all pain,I find it much more appealing after the fact.

I’m just wondering how all the rest of you feel about punishments that are not focused on the bottom. Hands, feet,breasts, head and shoulders knees and toes…er, anyway. Is it worth it? Does it turn you on? Does it turn you off? Let’s hear it!

Tonight I had the experience of going to a kinky vendor fair. There was a ride range of merchandise some of it more up my alley than others. However by far the most prevalent items were “impact toys” that is to say paddles, crops, whips, canes. One vendor had canes and paddles for $5.00. Another had hand made and hand designed paddles and canes that were absolutely lovely. I visited that table several times as well as discussing the paddles with the builder.

There is a problem with buying implements, though. That lovely paddle that I can’t stop running my hands over is also a very dangerous weapon. One that will be quickly turned against me if I bring it home. I’m not a masochist. I’ll say that again for those of you who disbelieve. I am not a masochist. I need to be punished, but no matter how often someone tells me I enjoy it, I don’t. So it became a big fight with myself. Do I buy the lovely paddle? Is it worth bringing it home?

In the end I decided against the paddle, but not because I wimped out. It was because I decided that we already had some like it. It was also because we already have a million toys. However, this is something that comes up every time I go to kinky events. I think this is a never ending dilemma.

As those of you who read my blog with any regularity know, I am often in need of a spanking. Sometimes I get one when I am least expecting it and it fills my needs, but often I have to hint at it or sometimes outright ask. This also occasionally does more harm than good because I almost always get more than I asked for. Still, I can’t seem to help myself. I thought I’d give a short list here of ways in which I have asked for a spanking.

Asking Outright- I usually have to be pretty desperate to do this. The reason for that is because I am embarrassed and because as I mentioned above, I usually get more than I asked for.

Passive Aggressive- Any time my boyfriend complains about something I suggest that someone should be punished. I guess he’s smart enough to figure out which someone. This one takes some skill because you don’t want to suggest this on the issues he is really upset about. This is more for things like:

Him: “My toast is cold.”

Me: “That might be because you got in the shower when it popped”

Him: “I don’t want cold toast.”

Me: “In that case, someone should definitely be punished.”

Roleplay Initiation- Every once in a while I will send my boyfriend an e-mail from someone important. Like my teacher. The letter always explains what a bad girl Bailey has been and how she needs to be dealt with appropriately.

Pictures- Occasionally I will send him a particularly attractive photo of my bottom or of myself bent over. If there are interesting marks for him to recreate all the better.

Leaving Implements Out- Just to inspire him. Sometimes this happens accidentally, such as my hairbrush spanking fresh out of the shower.

This is my main list. Do any of you have any better ideas?

I love keychains. I have several different items that I carry with me besides keys. Among these include my London Tanners piece of leather and a bear in bondage. I also have a little paddle that says “OTK” on it. I’m not really shy about my kink. In many ways I’m fortunate because I can afford to be so open about myself. That said I wouldn’t take my keys out in front of my parents at Thanksgiving dinner and I would never want someone to approach me on the street with my family.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking today about symbols. How do people living certain lifestyles or having similar interests indicate this to people of like mind? Some codes and symbols are well known. Most people know what a wedding ring is. Religious symbols are highly recognizable. Some gangs have tattoos and/or colors. Most people know about the gay pride symbol. Does the kink community have anything similar? Sure.

The leather community often uses a hanky code in order to indicate specific interests. There is also a leather pride flag. Members of the BDSM community often use tattoos, collars or brands to show their commitment. There are symbols for polyamory and for swingers. Yet, I’ve never found anyone claiming to have a specific symbol for spanking.

The closest I’ve come across are the OTK bumper stickers you sometimes see online. I suppose it is also fair to say that if you see a grown woman walking down the street in a school uniform you may be able to guess her interest. Still, I question why it is no symbols have developed. Why is it that some groups feel a need for codes and symbols while others do everything they can to hide?

Do spankos have more inherent shame about their kink than those who identify under the broader BDSM umbrella? To a certain extent I think the answer is yes. There are other reasons of course. Maybe some spankos simply don’t feel comfortable with the broader kink community and don’t want to have to explain their limits. Some may simply not want to expose their friendly community to that much exposure. There are any number of reasons why we may not have a symbol.

Still, I’ve been to spanking events where there were rules against collars and other BDSM symbols. I’ve seen rules against homosexual play and I’ve watched those with whips shunned by those with paddles. I think part of the reason we as spankos reject symbols is because we are afraid of being labeled as “like them” - and “they” are to be feared because we don’t understand them. If we were to embrace our kink and make it recognizable someone might associate us with gays, or swingers, or BDSMers. Heaven forbid! Symbols often separate as much as they unite.

Am I saying I think we need a symbol? No. I don’t think anyone should be forced to label or define themselves if they don’t want to.

This is turning into a very different entry than I intended when I began writing so I hope you all forgive me if it doesn’t flow totally logically. I guess I’m just finding myself appalled lately that kinky people are turning against other kinky people. It’s so cliche but it’s also true. The standard attitude nowadays is, “My kink is OK but your kink is not.” I’m sorry, but I’m tired of it. The rest of the world already thinks we are freaks, do we need to do it to each other?

None of us chose to be this way. We all have to struggle every day to reconcile our needs with a need to fit in and pass in vanilla society. Those who are spanking purists are not better or less creepy than those who like to dress up in leather and use bull whips. They also aren’t any more normal than foot fetishists or people into age play. There are people out there with rape fantasies. This is OK. Any fantasy and any kink is OK.

Let’s be grownups for once and recognize everyone else’s right to the same. Do what turns you on. Enjoy it. Just remember that the sick freaks that you are uncomfortable sharing a ballroom with at the next spanking party are judged no less harshly by you than you yourself would be in vanilla company.

Let me tell you about a truly sadistic person. My boyfriend is very much a sadist. I’ve told you all this before, but this is going to be a new example of it. I’ve been (as usual) trying to get spanked. This time my method of choice was to poke his belly button when he was not expecting it and say, “I’m going to get you Batman!” if he tried to stop me. He seemed to find this amusing if slightly annoying, but I was not getting my beating.

Well, yesterday he pounced on me. No, I still didn’t get a spanking. I got tickled. A lot. I don’t like being tickled. I don’t find it kinky or erotic (though I know some do). I screamed and kicked and generally tried to get away from him. He told me that he was tickling me because he thought it would be more effective than a beating. This conversation slowed the tickling down. I told him, “I can’t say which is actually more effective but I bet if you were to spank me I would stop poking your belly button.” He told me that he felt if he actually held me down and tickled me I would stop as well. I’m sure you can see where this is going….

What do you all suggest?

I have a question for everyone since the holidays are coming up. Those of you who are kinky and blessed with kinky friends/ family/ significant others: do you buy kinky or adult gifts for these people? I am never sure what to do. With my boyfriend specifically I have done a mix of both, but I find that the kinky gifts aren’t always the best appreciated.

The biggest question for me is, “Why do I want to give this to him?” If it is because I truly think he would enjoy it then it is a good reason. The problem is that most of the things I think he would really like are not things that I would be likely to enjoy. This is because I am afraid of pain. If I bought him the things I think I would like I can almost guarantee that they won’t get used very often. So it’s a quandary.

What about receiving? Do you enjoy receiving a kinky present for Christmas or would you rather have a more conventional gift? I’m very curious to hear about what everyone thinks with this question because presently I have a kinky gift in the works. It probably won’t be the primary gift, though…