May 16, 2008

What We Give

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bailey @ 3:44 pm

Just wondering if anyone who enjoys spanking videos ever gives any thought to the girls behind the video. Do they realize that we are real people with real lives and that we’ve sacrificed to do what we do? Do they assume we are drug addicts? Do they think we share their fetish? Would they be upset if their daughters did what we do?

I became a spanking model because it sounded fun and I’d enjoyed watching spanking videos forever. I wondered what it was like to be on the other side of the camera. And, it has been fun. I’ve met some “stars” and I’ve gotten to explore my kink and my fantasies in a way I probably couldn’t have done without the zoom lens and lights.I wouldn’t give up this experience for anything! Yet, I’ve given some things up too.

My privacy. I had a vanilla myspace account once upon a time. Then someone recognized me as Bailey and posted it to a spanking board. On that site were pictures of my parents and friends among other things. Did that person do wrong? I dunno. But I no longer use that account. I know that if I post a picture of myself in any vanilla context I risk being outed by insensitive spankos. Such is life right?

I’ve limited my job options. No, most things aren’t closed to me but do you think I can be a teacher or have a job in politics? I don’t mind this, but I do realize that some things are closed to me. The first female president can some day thank me for giving up my spot!

My parents know about what I do. Did I intend to tell them? Not so much. I won’t go into detail about the hows, but let me assure you that it has affected the way we view each other. Similarly, do you think I will ever have a lover who won’t know? Probably not. There is a certain amount of legacy here.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to deal with these things. Every choice has consequences, after all. I just get sick of hearing how we are trashy or deserve what happens to us. When my personal space is violated and someone says,”You brought it on yourself” it makes me wonder.

Who do people really think we are?

I know who I am. I’m an intelligent young woman. I have a spanking fetish. I made a conscious choice to pursue my kink in spite of the potential consequences. Does that mean that you have a right to treat me as less of a person? I think not.

11 Comments »

  1. […] Bailey’s Blog wrote an interesting post today on What We GiveHere’s a quick excerptI had a vanilla myspace account once upon a time…. […]

    Pingback by Myspace » What We Give — May 16, 2008 @ 5:46 pm

  2. Hi Bailey,

    Very interesting, and kinda touching, post! Here are my randomish responses:

    “Just wondering if anyone who enjoys spanking videos ever gives any thought to the girls behind the video.”

    Well this guy does . . . actually, the thing I wonder most is how much of their vanilla life/friends is affected by their work.

    “Do they realize that we are real people with real lives and that we’ve sacrificed to do what we do?”

    Frankly, I think we mostly think you’re really lucky to be getting spanked for a living. It sounds like you’ve got some complications going on that are a real shame though.

    “Do they assume we are drug addicts?”

    Perhaps I have a more charitable view of drug addicts than some, but I don’t even think of drug addicts as “drug addicts,” I think of them as people who happen to be addicted.

    “Do they think we share their fetish?”

    This might sound bad, but when I watch a good spanking movie, I kinda hope the girl DOESN’T share my spanking fetish . . . it’s more fun to imagine she hates every minute of her spanking :-)

    “Would they be upset if their daughters did what we do?”

    Sadly, I have not yet been blessed with children, so I can’t answer this one for sure. But I probably wouldn’t want to watch somebody spank my daughter to tears. Yeah, if someone did that I’d probably want to kick their ass.

    I guess my main question, physical protectiveness aside, of someone wanting to be a spanking model is, how sustainable is the job? Where are you going with this, and what will the consequences of doing it be?

    In light of the fact that Jessica and Brandi have been doing this for six years or so, I gotta say the job is more sustainable than I’d have ever thought a few years ago.

    Then again, I have a toe in the whole spanking media “industry” myself, so I guess I can’t see it from an outsider’s perspective. It probably looks a lot more scary from the outside.

    Anyway, thanks for sounding like a sweet, vulnerable girl in this post — if nothing else, it makes your spanking videos that much more interesting :-)

    Comment by TearsBlogger — May 16, 2008 @ 6:31 pm

  3. Wow, what a very evocative set of questions.

    I certainly DO give thought to the girls in the videos, though not perhaps the right KIND of empathetic, considerate thought. Mine are more general curiosity/stalkerish thoughts like, I wonder how they got into it/why they did it, I wonder what other videos they’ve done besides this one, I wonder whether it turned out okay for them, I wonder where they are now.

    Question is, would YOUR life be easier if we did NOT give a second thought to you? No thoughts would mean no stalkers, no obsessive fans, no one outing you, no one bothering you. What I think you meant was do we ever give a KIND thought as distinguished from a hurtful or purely lascivious thought. But actually, you might be best off with NO thoughts.

    I’m not entirely comfortable with your use of the word “sacrifice.” If you merely mean that it’s not all good, that there are disadvantages, that you have given something up, then that’s fine. But to me, sacrifice is working nights so your kids can go to college, or throwing yourself on a grenade to save the rest of the squad. It’s giving something up and getting nothing (or not an equal amount) back, for the benefit of someone ELSE. I hope you have NOT made THAT kind of sacrifice in your modeling career, because, frankly, our satisfaction at seeing you spanked is not a good enough cause to deserve your sacrifice (defined as your suffering a net loss for our benefit).

    I would be closer to assuming a model shares the fetish than that she’s a drug addict. But then again I’m pretty oblivious to the various desperate reasons people do things for money. But, as with all commercial sex, I figure some women just figure it’s a relatively easy way to make relatively good money, that’s available to them because of their appearance, so they might as well take advantage of it.

    The question about a daughter is theoretical for me as it was for TearsBlogger, but it’s easy to guess what I’d feel. I’d probably be overprotective of my daughter. There are LOTS of jobs I wouldn’t want her to take just because they’re unpleasant, without reference to their morality — telephone solicitation, or call center worker. There are forms of morality other than sexual — I’d hate to have raised a personal injury lawsuit attorney. There’s health considerations — I wouldn’t want my daughter working in a chicken processing plant where she’d get repetitive motion injuries. But, as to specifically a sexually oriented business that didn’t involve intercourse — that’s a hard call. If she was a spanko and wanted to do it on a lark … maybe. If she hated being spanked and just wanted the easy money … I’d probably argue against it. I’d be QUITE concerned about the “once it’s online it’s in the public domain forever” aspect. It’s one thing for people to READ that someone was, say, once a stripper. It’s another thing for your naked, red butt to STILL BE ONLINE when you’re 35 and a mom yourself.

    That raises the obvious question, if I disapprove of the job, if I wouldn’t want someone I love doing it, how can I morally allow myself to benefit from ANYONE doing it? But, I do that all the time. I eat chicken, that someone had to process. I call help lines and require the call center worker to deal with me. I wouldn’t want my little girl on the back of a garbage truck, but I still put out the trash (or would, if I didn’t live in a complex with a dumpster). I wouldn’t want my daughter doing it (unless she went into it with eyes wide open and it was something she really wanted to do; then she might convince me, since I do know something about the business and know enough of the models to know it’s not necessarily predatory), but I can still be glad SOMEONE is willing to do it. (Like serving in Congress! — another nasty job someone has to do.)

    But to address your underlying point, you’re definitely entirely right that spanking models deserve not merely decency but appreciation and gratitude from their fans. And anyone who instead acts spitefully, maliciously or even thoughtlessly toward you should be … well, spanked doesn’t seem like enough. But it’d be a start.

    Comment by Michael — May 16, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

  4. Bailey,

    I for one adore you, as a person. You are articulate, thoughtful, caring, and funny. I would be glad to introduce you to my friends as exactly who you are. Of course, most of my friends are just like me, slightly odd intellectuals, and a good measure of kinky folks.

    If I were introducing you to my family, my dentist, my brother’s uptight neighbor’s, I would use some sort of a fiction, since they don’t know about my kink.

    This would be because I was being cautious of me, not because I was reluctant about your job. I would need to explain what a beautiful young woman was doing in company of an old fart like me.

    Comment by jeoffry43 — May 17, 2008 @ 5:42 am

  5. Hi Bailey.

    I have some experience in this area of relatives finding out about your spanking fetish. I relly have never liked that damn word. It makes the participation of spanking abnormal and in my opinion it is so not like BDSM.

    First off, I am a practicing switch who has a wife that let’mme engage in spanking, but prefers not to participate. Spanking for me has it’s orgins in spankings from parents, babysitters and games like “school” and “pull down pants doctor” add to this the wooden paddle you have taken and you have an idea of all the childhood stimulants, that led to me being a spanko. I do not consider meeting a young lady and putting her over my knee eventually pulling down her panties and making her further blush by making her spread her legs exposing her bottom hole is cheating.
    That being said it is my responsibility to make sure the spanking does not go any further.

    My point is a young lady whether at Shadowlane Party or a young lady I am paying to spank, she is still deserving of my respect and is in no way a whore. I seperate sex and spanking for discipline. By the way I usually am asked to spank other ladies at parties because I know what a hairbrush or paddle feels like on ocassion.

    I accidently outed myself to a cousin when I was emailing about a spanking. The email got sent to her instead. I avoided being at family events for over a year and even then recently my heart was pounding out of my chest! The fantasy that relatives will understand this kink is unfortunatly not likely. Instead I was told I needed professional help and this was a sign that I waqs disturbed. Me disturbed, while she has gone through the sting of tatoos. Hey I am knocking it, but to me it is more pain then a healty red blistering spanking.

    So Bailey I see it like this. You are the most genuine spankee and readily show your emotions on your site. Spankings, paddlings sure as we all know hurt and sometimes bruise, but it is the genuine girl next door feel to your videos and photos that brings me back. I also really think that the effort you put forth on your blog helps all of us feel a relationship with you, much like an avid listener to talk radio. I hope you do not think that is creepy, we feel connected to the spankings you receive.

    Comment by arthur — May 17, 2008 @ 6:31 pm

  6. just out of curiosity, arthur, do you think folks who are into BDSM *are* disturbed or somehow more sick than spankos? I couldn’t quite tell from the way you phrased your post.

    As far as family understanding overall, I think you’re right. But I also think what turns you on is no business of your family. I have been working on getting this across- that this is something parents shouldn’t know about their kids. I do them the favor of not asking them about their favorite position and if they like anal, they should do me the favor of putting the spanking stuff out of their heads.

    Comment by Bailey — May 18, 2008 @ 8:09 am

  7. Bailey, I think of you only as the most beautiful spankee in the whole wide world. You are also a very intelligent person. I enjoy all of your blogs. They are all written so very well. You are a real gracious and caring person. You show a lot of emotions on your site. I think of you as a real caring person and I love you as caring person. I love everything that you stand for. You should be treated fairly by everybody that knows you. I myself enjoy everything that you stand for. You are very intelligent and also so very beautiful. I think of you as as a very caring, very intelligent and very gracious beautiful woman. I wll love you always, Norman

    Comment by nnjjkk — May 18, 2008 @ 11:27 am

  8. Baily,

    While I am not a big fan of BDSM, to each his own. All I meant was it is tiresome for spanking to be compared to whips and chains, Thanks for responding and thanks for all you give of yourself on your site:)

    Comment by arthur — May 21, 2008 @ 7:31 pm

  9. Bailey,

    I applaud you for standing up for yourself. I can relate somewhat to your situation as I used to work as a stripper. I needed the money and no longer do that for a living. But people did assume that I was nothing but a druggie whore. Neither of which was true, but that was most people’s assumption. Like you my family did not respond well and it has taken years to reconnect with them. I think that people should not judge others on what they choose to do with their life, because one has to make their own choices. And no one is better than anybody else.

    Unfortunately, there will always be some “bad apples” out there that will show disrespect. Really, I think it just shows their own immaturity.

    Hang in there! There are those of us who do respect and appreciate what you do!

    Comment by blondie81 — May 29, 2008 @ 8:27 pm

  10. I do not think any less of the models for what they do. All of us including me are very lucky to have girls especially as pretty as Bailey who are willing to share their fantasies in front of a camera. I have been in a couple of spanking videos myself, done in the late 90’s. I got to act out one of my favorite spanking scenarios and now it is out there for others who may have similiar fantasies to enjoy. I happen to know that the spanking models are just like everybody else, they have real lives, real relationships although it may be difficult to find a boyfriend willing to give a good spanking when it’s needed in a real relationship. keep doing whay you’re doing Bailey, we all love you.

    Comment by metallurgy — May 30, 2008 @ 6:23 pm

  11. I have been a performer since I was twelve. I have loved the smell of the stage and the silence before the curtain goes up. It is true, you do feel exposed, but when you are in front of a crowd you feel alive. I cannot imagine what you spanking models go through. To be in the limelight 24/7. To be scrutinized and judged. I cannot imagine the emotional toll it might take. I have thought about spanking in front of the camera. What has stopped me? Well, the loss of privacy. Bailey, I applaud you for this blog post. I know I am no one, I know these are just words on a screen, but spanking is a part of who you are. You have your respect and your honor because you do this on your terms. Have a lovely day.

    madhatter

    Comment by madhatter — June 20, 2008 @ 9:34 pm

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